Disjoint Ramblings

Last Saturday, for the last time, we were at an L^2. For the uninitiated, L^2 is the party area at the IIMB campus.. the place where we celebrate the successes of events we organize brainstorming for months, where we unwind after sleepless weeks of exams and generally binge away the blues life sends our way. And this was the last time we would witness the madness.. the last time drunken friends would walk up to us and tell me and A that we make a lovely couple (*shameless boasting*, I know), last time when people would invent inane dance moves for the most non-dance-able numbers, the last time L^2s would end with the IIMB traditional “Maye Ri” from Euphoria, the last time friends would hug each other and slur “Screw grades, my friend.. Live it up!”, the last time people reeling under the stress of their everyday life would make calls to their long distance girlfriends and boyfriends at 2 in the night as “Pehla Nasha” would come on and the last time I would feel this warm sense of camaraderie that floats on this campus, amidst the fierce competition that thrives with the same intensity. And suddenly, among the different emotions that have overcome me during the last few days – of disappointment at the dying of the (much misplaced) hope of getting shortlists, of the growing disomfort of knowing that A and I could land up half a world away from each other in a few weeks, of the sadness that next year this campus would host me only as a guest and the year after that noone here would know me and of the void of usual parting away from friends – I hit panic. It wasn’t after all the usual move from one place to another.. it was the end of my educational career.. of life as I have known it for decades. And I know from my brief stint at work before I joined this place, that I am not ready for the change. It seems too sudden, too soon. So, I moved away from L^2 that night.. pretending that the change isn’t here yet. I am not ready to leave, and I don’t know how that is going to change in the next few days.

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I have been reading a few new blogs these days. I have been here, here and here. To discover a new blog and to read about someone’s life, opinions and take on the world is something I love. It takes you closer to a complete stranger, without demanding the usual obligation of socializing. It is a form of freedom of speech and expression – something that despite being etched in the Constitution of our country and its governance in black and white, isn’t always a part of our daily lives. So, these days, as I explore the world of a strong modern woman who chooses to be a stay-at-home mom , a working mom who speaks about the attempts to preserve the charms in little things for her daughter and the tale of two young women in love with each other, it takes me away from my own life’s little nags and know more about a world other than my own.

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On a lighter note, last few days have been pretty eventful. I shopped for a much-needed pair of jeans and bid farewell to my tattered old pair in which I have practically lived over the last few months. I watched DDLJ again… yeah yeah, sue me for being the soppy unintellectual nincompoop I am but I felt like watching it as I heard one of its songs wafting through my corridor. I watched the movie ‘Juno’ as well, which is a light-hearted beautiful tale of a high-school teenager’s unexpected pregnancy. I fought and made up with A many a times, and was often pulled into a state of extreme possessiveness yet regret of making his life difficult sometimes.

So, life in its mundane things is usual but the bigger picture is changing into something else and call it my affinity to stability or my abhorrence for uncertainty, I don’t like this metamorphosis.

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One thought on “Disjoint Ramblings

  1. thank you for the kind words! always nice to be called strong.. actually i am not so much SAHM as, freelance journalist….I think it takes a lot more strength to let go of your career and not feel fear. I still cling on to a tiny thread… ! 🙂

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