This post is mostly being started as a round-up of the last month for which I have ditched this space. That’s the intention. But I know for sure that thoughts will wander and words will flow.
The weekend ending today is the first full weekend I have had to me (read, not at work) in the last one month that I started working. I feel like complaining, but let it go. Because that will be another step into the trap I fell into four years back. Doing something unwillingly, never saying anything and then complaining incessantly. Surely, things have changed in these last four years. For better, I would like to think.
I spoke to one of my very close IIMB pals yesterday. Though the conversation made me feel better and his cheerfulness made me believe that some things in life will never change, he told me that another friend was angry with me for having written something here on this blog. Made me feel so stupid that I considered shutting this thing down because I didn’t write anything on this blog to hurt anyone nor did I want it to become another reason to make me feel sorry. But I am sorry anyway and I don’t know what else to say except that I’m not closing my blog down. I can’t.
For all of last month, I have been roaming around like a tired zombie. Work days starting at 9.30 am and extending upto 9 pm are normal in my team, and after a long wasted summer vacation, coping with it – even though 9am to 3am days used to be a cakewalk till 3 months back – is proving to be quite a task. Add to that, a hyperactive short-tempered boss, no travel arrangements to get back home as late as midnight and sarcastic remarks about how people from IIMs must know everything under the sun because well, they are from the IIMs. The last statement conveniently assumes that coming from an IIM makes me a wizard who’s supposed to know everything and that my degree at IIMB is called the Post-Graduate Diploma in Everything. But the problem is not with the remarks, it’s more a problem with me. I do not react to it and I do not say something bitchy right back; maybe it’s all good. But what I know I shouldn’t be doing is keeping all this bottled inside and really feeling sad about it everyday. I’m actually starting to believe that not knowing everything is a crime.
Of the good things that have happened over the last month, A and I reached an exciting milestone in our lives together. It felt so good when that morning, sitting in an auto with my earplugs blocking out the noise in my head, I realized how the date meant something to us. I immediately messaged him and though we couldn’t talk for the rest of the day, he sent me a really sweet mail and photographs of us the same night. Tired and cranky the next morning, I opened my mailbox and there it was. And suddenly, gobbling up that omelet, slipping on those stilettos and marching back to work didn’t seem all that bad. Suddenly, a silly grin pasted itself across my face and I walked around smiling around as disaster reproduced itself at work. If feeling stronger and seeing the silver lining unmistakably are things love does to you, I’m so in love. Hey, I just want to tell you that I love you. If not for you, I would have gotten past the last few days very miserably. I can never thank you enough for being there. Please excuse the long arguments we have, because I never mean the harsh things I say. If you know me, you know that.. right?